Catherine Kos – Author

I found this poem that I had written awhile ago, and after a week full of anxiety attacks, I thought it was fitting to share it.

Below is my poem, Lost.

Lost

Today I am not simply wandering

Today, I am lost. 

Floating in the cloudy space of my mind.

Swimming through the muddled thoughts,

The vast feelings that try to consume me daily.

Most days I can ignore them, 

Force down the fear and anxiety, pretending they’re not there.

But today, 

I want to cry because I am happy 

And cry because I am sad 

Quit my job out of fear of everything.

Punch something because I can’t find my place

and nothing seems to be going right. 

I want to scream at the thoughts of losing the people closest to me 

Yet, I want to smile because I don’t want to scare any of them away. 

Today I am lost 

Because I can’t make sense of this mess that I call my mind.

I can’t understand why I’m afraid,

Why my stomach is in knots, 

When everything is fine. Life is good. 

Today I am lost because I feel the need to apologize 

for my mind being like a tangled ball of yarn

Today I am lost. 

Today I am… Where am I?